Why would I choose the name Lamborghini or jalopy? Well, let me explain. I am a recovered bulimic. Meaning I have experienced body image problems throughout my life. When I would look in the mirror I would only see the size of my hips and the the fat that hung over the edge of my pants. I really couldn't see anything else. I could never say or even think I was beautiful or even nice to look at. I would never be able to really be loved because of the way I looked. I was so focused on those things that I saw when I looked in the mirror. I had a friend who shared with me a solution, or at least the beginning of a solution. She told me to go into the bathroom and look at myself in the mirror, I had to look right in my own eyes and say "you are beautiful".... I couldn't do it! I ran out of the bathroom bawling...I couldn't do it! It took me three days before I could even whisper the words, without any belief behind them at all. But I kept doing it. And then one day something happened. I started to see beauty differently. I started to see my body as a gift from God and began to understand that if I was using it everyday to serve Him, no matter what it looks like, it is beautiful. I AM BEAUTIFUL! I can say it now! And not only can I say it but I really truly believe it.
Later, after some self reflection I realized that I was now suffering from a disease I call spiritual bulimia. I look in the spiritual mirror and I see that my house is never as clean as I want it. I get frustrated with my kids. I don't know how to sew, in fact one of the things that causes me the greatest amount of stress in my life is trying to figure out how to sew those dumb patches on my son's scout uniform. I feel completely useless and so far behind. What is the message to say in the mirror now? God sent me here for a purpose, hopefully it is a purpose that doesn't include sewing.
Really, for me, I think it is more of a picture. I woke up one morning with the picture of a Lamborghini in my mind. "Man," I thought, "that is a cool car!" Then another image popped into my head. Yep you guessed it, a jalopy and I started to laugh. In the midst of my lightheartedness, I realized something, both cars are equipped with a gas pedal and both cars are useful if the person driving them uses it. My jalopy came in very handy when I was in college trying to move all my stuff from Idaho to California. I've never driven a Lamborghini but I can imagine that it's speed would come in handy when the kids are running late to school.Then that lead to another question, since we can't see the body of ourselves, like we can see a car, how do we know what we are? I have to push the gas pedal all the way! I have to stand up, stop being afraid, move out on the road and push the gas pedal ALL the way! I think it is more about the exhilaration of going as fast as I can, or using my full potential, than about what kind of car I am. Who knows, maybe I'm a jalopy with the engine of a Lamborghini. I wonder how I'll hold up.
